Land Of The Sun
by KeepSaying
Summary: Jane and Kurt follow Roman to Beirut but it doesn't go according to plan. One-Shot.


**A/N** : Small reference to 'North Star' at the end of this. :)

* * *

Jane shut the door to the hotel's bathroom gingerly behind her and for a moment she just stood there – empty, impassive. The whole day came back to her in that moment and, overwhelmed, she squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back against the wooden door. She needed something, anything to steady her now that she felt she was breaking apart from the inside.

 _Breathe, Jane. In and Out. Stay here. Concentrate on your breathing._

Once more it was Kurt's voice her mind was using to calm her down, to keep her stable and the ironic thing about that was that he was there with her, right outside the door, but she had bolted in here right after they got back to the hotel because she needed time to herself.

Breaking out of her thoughts she managed to take off her dirty clothes and let them fall to the ground in front of her. She didn't look down as she stepped over them, didn't want to see neither all the dust of the day nor the dried blood that wasn't hers but had felt like it had been at the time. The bullet had felt like it had torn through her side instead of his and she still remembered the warm liquid on her hands as she had tried to stop the bleeding.

No. She couldn't go back there. She needed to stay in the present.

In a desperate attempt to do just that she turned the shower to the lowest temperature and stepped underneath the spray.

The cold water took her breath away for a second and she had to bite her cheek when it hit the open wounds on her body but it also broke a damn inside her. It managed to dissolve the lump that had taken residence in her throat a few hours ago and made her finally give in and cry.

Turning the temperature up she let the now warm water run over her battered body soothingly, letting it massage all her sore muscles while she stood there with her eyes closed, her tears mixing with the clean water until she didn't know if she was even still crying anymore or if she was already all cried out.

Again she asked herself just how her life had ended up here.

* * *

Jane busted through the doors of the lab just as Patterson finished typing the last commands into her keyboard with Kurt hot on her heels and Tasha and Reade following closely behind him. They had been enjoying their lunch when they got the message five minutes earlier and for some reason it had gotten her hackles up. She had a gut feeling that she didn't know how to describe that made her more anxious than she'd like to admit and she had practically jumped up from her chair and had run here straight away.

"You're all here! Good", the blonde told them grabbing her tablet and waving them over to the panel. All four followed after her, assembling around the big computer screens. Jane felt the dread in her stomach intensify when she saw all screens before her cleared out for the moment.

"Did you crack another tattoo?", she wanted to know but Patterson shook her head no.

Weller, his arms crossed in front of his chest, seeming to sense her distress, frowned at Patterson, "Then something on Crawford?"

"Kind of", the blonde replied eagerly, "See, I haven't been able to dig up much on Roman yet and we know he has somehow been monitoring everything I do. He always knew what we were currently working on and I still don't know how he does that."

Jane looked to her side when she heard Tasha clicking her tongue, sounding amused, "Why do I feel like there's a But coming?"

Grinning back at her friend, Patterson waved her hand, starting to explain, "Because there is a big But coming. When Nas was here I asked her to check for any security breaches within my personal account and she couldn't help me out either, so I'm thinking maybe he's got something installed that we still need to find. But", now she smirked, "Nas gave me access to my very own NSA- approved computer and a matching account from which I can access all my databases without leaving a trace on my actual FBI log in."

"So, Roman doesn't know you're currently looking for him?", Jane interrupted her, "Did you find him?"

"Well", Patterson hit a few keys and pulled up two different screens on the monitor behind her. "He thinks we're doing some digging on him because of course my team and I are still working on the tattoos but he doesn't know how far I've gotten on the NSA computer in the meantime. He still thinks we're three steps behind when in reality, I have gotten this still from him and Crawford from just three days ago."

She pointed to the grainy image of two well-dressed men and a woman standing next to a river with at least five more people around them, all wearing building-site helmets.

Jane felt her heart skip a beat when she could finally make out her brother after squinting at the image for a bit. He was wearing a suit and glasses but what concerned her most was his close proximity to Crawford.

"Where was this taken?"

"This picture is from Antakya in Turkey", Patterson explained, pulling up another picture of a sophisticated looking gala event, "And this one is too."

She looked over the picture, trying to make out Roman but before she could tell Patterson to hurry up Reade already asked, "So what are we supposed to see there? Is there a point to this?"

Patterson rolled her eyes but relented. "Yes, there is a point. Do you see that woman? In the background?" She pointed to a beautiful blonde woman in an evening gown whose smile seemed to light up the whole room, blatantly wrapping her collocutor around her little finger.

"Wait, isn't that Crawford's daughter?", Weller interrupted.

"Yes, it is. But what's more interesting is the suit behind her", she told them, pointing to it, "See, remember the software we used to identify Kathy from the Three Blind Mice? The one that analyzes your body, from the way you walk and stand and all that? I've created a profile like that for Roman. We had enough footage of him pacing inside his cell in Zero Division and I tried to integrate it into my analyzation of all CCTV footages we sift through and nothing ever popped up. Until three days ago when someone of his size and statute seems to be in the background of almost every paparazzi picture taken of Blake Crawford."

"So he's trying to get close to the Crawford's somehow?", Tasha wanted to know.

Raising her eyebrows at them she nodded, underlining the importance of her next words. "Well, if by trying to get closer you mean he's Crawford's right hand and Blake's bodyguard, then yeah, he's close. He infiltrated this family on the highest level and even managed to neutralize Crawford's former confidant, a guy called Victor Vasarely that used to be right by his side whenever he was seen in public. Until Roman came along."

"You mean Roman is working for Crawford?", Jane exclaimed, feeling her heartbeat accelerate. "And he's in Turkey now?"

"At this point I'm as certain as I can be that he is working for him. I've checked every other recent picture of Blake at all kinds of functions and even though he's doing a great job at keeping his face from all the cameras my software managed to match the breadth of his shoulders and his overall body language." Patterson explained. "But he's not in Turkey right now. I have reason to believe that Crawford is currently moving weapons into Syria through Lebanon for the Al-Nusra- Front which is part of Al-Qaida, currently fighting against the Syrian regime."

"Somehow that doesn't seem like his style", Reade pointed out, watching the evidence that Patterson showed them.

The blonde shrugged, "Well, earning his money by hurting other people seems to be exactly his style if you ask me."

"No, Reade is right", Tasha interrupt, pulling up her own tablet. "The CIA has been watching the Nusra- Front for a long time and Crawford has never been involved with any of their arms deals or any other deals for that matter. At least not in a way that we could tie it to him. He doesn't like to get his hands dirty."

"So why would he openly support them now?", Jane asked, biting her lip, trying to make sense of the information.

"Here's the thing", Patterson remarked slowly, obviously struggling to put all the ideas her mind kept firing at her into words, "Crawford has been going in and out of Morocco regularly for almost half a year and I think that he was working on something big. A few weeks ago he stopped travelling there altogether and since then none of his known associates has been seen in Marrakesh either. Shortly afterwards he started warming up to the Middle East, including Turkey, Lebanon and we suspect by extension Syria."

"Maybe he didn't get what he wanted in Morocco and has found something similar there?", Kurt considered out loud, "But what did he want in Morocco that he can find in either of these three states?"

"You mean aside from Falafel? Beats me", Patterson replied with a shrug, "I have no idea what he's looking for nor what he needs it for but he seems to be willing to pay a lot of money to get there."

"That means we have no idea where Roman is now?", Jane wanted to know quietly, interrupting everyone's thinking process.

"No!", her friend disagreed, "That's actually the only thing I do know. For some reason Roman has been staying in Beirut for two days now and from what I've gathered is responsible for overlooking the weapon transfer which takes at least another three days to complete."

"So we're going to Lebanon then." Weller's voice pulled Jane from her own thoughts and when she felt his hand on her lower back, she looked up at him, knowing he would see how uncertain and scared she felt.

But Tasha and Reade were already planning.

"I'm going to get you the FBI plane ready so you can leave in two hours at latest."

"And I'll reach out to anyone we have on the ground in Beirut, see if anyone has seen anything."

* * *

She had dried herself up mostly and had a towel wrapped around her body but her hair was still damp, letting water drops drip down on her shoulders every so often. Taking one last look in the mirror, she deemed herself presentable enough and opened the door to their hotel room only to come face to face with her husband who looked up from his pacing when he heard her enter.

"Hey", she whispered as he moved closer and for a tiny moment she let herself relax against his chest as he pulled her into his arms, moving his hands up and down her spine.

"Hey", he replied gently, "Are you okay?"

Jane shrugged, fighting back the tears that were starting to spill over again. "I don't think so", she said eventually. She felt him nod against her head and closed her eyes to enjoy the moment of his hot skin warming up the ice in her heart. Apparently he hadn't wanted to stay in his dirty clothes any longer than she had.

With a little nudge to his shoulder she retrieved herself from his embrace, already missing the connection, and told him it was his turn to take a shower, that she would be fine for a few minutes. He didn't seem to fully believe her, his eyes looking her over before inspecting her face, trying to see if she was speaking the truth.

"Okay", he acquiesced finally but just when she thought he would turn around, he took a step towards her once more, taking her face into both his hands ever so gently and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be right back", he told her and she could only nod, her eyes still closed after the tender gesture.

Once the door clicked shut, she let the towel drop to the floor and took a step forward to take a closer look at her body in the full-length mirror next to the bathroom door. It reminded her so much of all the time she had spent staring at her tattoos when she had first gotten to the FBI. She had been trying to get to know her own body then, had wanted to learn about all the mysteries and secrets it was covered in.

She had gotten used to the tattoos, couldn't even imagine herself without them anymore. At some point she had managed to feel beautiful with them, not despite the tattoos and not because of them but because they had become a part of her.

Right now she wasn't looking at the tattoos, though, instead she was casing her body for the new bruises that were already forming. The black and red lines of her tattoos growing hazy when they were met by another hematoma. Inspecting the new cuts she concluded that they weren't worth worrying about.

After another moment she walked over to their suitcase and pulled out underwear, a pair of sweats and, after debating it for a minute, one of Kurt's t-shirts. The one he had been wearing on the flight and that still smelled like him.

Fully dressed she considered sitting down but felt too restless to sit still and so she stopped in front of the window and looked outside instead, getting lost in her thoughts as she watched the lights of the city and the dark waves of the Sea.

If they could've actually enjoyed the beach or the boardwalk instead of having to chase her brother through the streets of Downtown. Maybe in a different life time they could've gone here together to enjoy the food and the streets bustling with people but in this life that didn't seem to be in the cards for them.

* * *

They had been walking around the port for half an hour, trying to look as inconspicuously as possible while circling the container the CIA had flagged as the one the terrorist usually used for their weapon deals, but so far nothing out of the ordinary had happened. People in normal working gear were coming and going, doing what seemed to be normal loading and unloading, but nothing that caught their eye.

Jane was growing frustrated. They had left New York as soon as they could and had gotten here as fast as possible and all the while the fear and worry about all the possible scenarios they could be encountering had kept her adrenaline levels elevated and now that she was stationary she was starting to get restless. It wasn't like her to become fidgety on a stake out but this wasn't just any other case.

This case involved her brother and aimed at taking down the man he had gotten close to, undoubtedly as another part of his master plan. All the games and riddles he had given them… all the pain he had caused them – it could all be over today. And that scared the hell out of her because in none of their plans had they actively talked about what would happen to Roman.

He was wanted for being part of a terrorist organization and he had brought so much heartbreak to this team specifically that she doubted anyone would make him a deal. And really, she could understand that. She knew and understood what Roman had done, how many people he had hurt that they knew of and she was absolutely certain that the dark figure was a lot higher.

Still, he was her brother and it had been true what Kurt told her so long ago, that a part of her would always love him and wanted redemption for him.

How could she not? He was her blood. For the longest time he had been all she had had and even though she only remembered bits and pieces of their shared past, she knew they had always been better together.

She could forgive him for hurting her, could forgive him for coming after her, but what she couldn't forgive was what he had done to the people she loved. Keeping Avery locked up, blackmailing Kurt, selling their friends to Venezuela… The list went on and thinking of it alone made her head spin because she still couldn't shake her love for him.

Jane was about to suggest they leave for now, check into their hotel and double back later when the door to the container they had been surveilling opened and she let out an involuntary gasp when she saw who stepped out.

Kurt's hand was on her elbow, pulling her rigid body back into the shadows of another container.

She only managed to snap out of her trance when she heard Roman's agitated voice echoing through the site.

Pressing closer to the container, she held her breath, feeling Kurt next to her do the same thing as they listened to one part of the heated discussion.

"I don't care if he has trouble sleeping", he was snarling into the phone and it took her back to a time when she had been the only one to calm his angry outbursts. Without seeing him, she could picture him pacing and tightening his grip on the phone until his knuckles turned white.

He seemed to be listening now because all they could hear were his footsteps and his heavy breathing. She didn't know how long they stood there like that, unmoving, but suddenly his voice was a lot calmer.

"I'll manage him. Give me half an hour and I'll have a date and time for you."

After that a car door was opened, then closed and they stepped forward to catch sight of the vehicle and its occupant just before it drove off, swirling up dirt and dust behind it.

"We have to follow him", she heard Kurt behind her and she nodded, managing to stay professional on the outside as they started sprinting towards their own car to follow him.

"Did you get his license plate?", Kurt asked breathlessly as he put the car in drive as soon as they had closed the doors and accelerated the car.

"Yes", she nodded, the adrenalin helping her forget about the emotional consequences. They were chasing someone, and she kept trying to tell herself it was just another day at the office. "It was a local number."

He nodded, staring straight ahead as he maneuvered through the foreign city, "From the city plan I'd think he'd go in the direction of Downtown if he's taking that exit."

"Wait, isn't the Lebanese Parliament in the heart of Downtown?", Jane wanted to know, cursing under her breath that their comms didn't work outside the US. "I'm gonna call Patterson, see if Tasha or her can get access to the CCTV here."

As it turned out they didn't even need the street cams because after about 10 minutes they found the vehicle standing on a sidewalk deserted.

"That one!", she told Kurt who pulled over right away and they jumped out of the car.

"I think he went that way", Kurt told her, frowning as he took in all directions, "At least that's what I would've done after pulling over on this side of the street."

Jane bite her lip and nodded slowly, "It would make sense. That's the way to the Nejmeh square", she said remembering the maps she had tried to distract herself with during the flight.

Running down the streets in the midday heat she understood why the streets seemed to be so deserted at this time of day. Drops of sweat were pooling on her hairline and even her light jeans jacket seemed to be too much right now. Beside her she saw Kurt struggling with the heat in much of the same way and doing the same thing about it – biting his teeth and keeping up the pace.

Suddenly he stopped and pulled her to an abrupt halt as well. "That's him", he said quietly, still huffing from their run.

Looking up she saw he was right. About a hundred feet ahead of them she spotted the black suit and his sandy hair. He seemed to know exactly where he was going and now that they had found him they kept their distance, trying to regain their breaths while strolling seemingly aimlessly down the street.

She looked up in surprise when Kurt slipped his hand in hers and give her a gentle squeeze.

"Might look a little less conspicuous that way", he told her with a smile on his lips despite the chase and she felt her heart warm as her eyes found his twinkling back at her.

"Sure", she replied with a sly smile of her own, "That's probably the only reason." She knew he was trying to calm her down but she played along, grateful for the steadiness he provided.

She saw him shrug slightly. "Well, maybe not the only reason. But a married couple visiting a new city, just wandering through the streets seems a lot less conspicuous than just walking next to each other, always staring at that one guy in front of us."

Chuckling she nodded, swinging their hands between them a little "That would be perfect. Just the two of us on a vacation, walking through old towns, visiting beautiful museums", she dreamed with a sigh, "Like that week in Venice. I think that's the happiest I've ever been."

"I'll go with you wherever you wanna go", he told her earnestly, tugging at her hand to bring them to a stop. "We'll get through this and then we'll have all the happy moments we want, okay?"

Bobbing her head she sighed again, "Sounds perfect. But right now we need to keep going."

"There's time for one more thing, though", he objected and before she could ask him what he meant he leaned down and kissed her on the lips, taking her breath away.

Pulling away he grinned at her flabbergasted expression and continued walking as if nothing had happened, "You know, for the inconspicuousness of this operation."

Following her husband with her hand safely held in his, Jane felt a grin spread to her lips and the warm fluttering in her stomach that he still gave her.

* * *

Jane was still standing in front of the window when Kurt stepped out of the bathroom, her arms crossed in front of her chest as if she was hugging herself. In some way it felt like the only thing that was holding her together at the moment.

She didn't turn around when she heard him close the door behind him, nor when she heard him shuffle closer. He came to a stop right next to her but, unlike her, he wasn't looking outside, his gaze was focused solely on her.

When a soft whisper reached her ears, she snapped out of her trance and turned her head, giving him a quizzical look.

She waited as he cleared his throat and repeated his words, watching him in only his boxers and with his face still flushed from the shower. He had probably rushed out of there as fast as he could, more concerned about her than his own wellbeing. Once more she wondered what she had done to deserve someone like him.

"I said: May I hold you?"

She met his eyes again, surprised at his question but when he only kept looking at her with such an earnest, worried expression, she felt her lips curl into the tiniest of smiles as she nodded. "You can always hold me", she gave back equally quietly, relishing in his touch when his arms came around her waist and he pulled her closer.

His chin came to rest on the top of her head and she let out a sigh of relief when she felt the reassuring beat of his heart again. It had the ability to ground her like nothing else. Resting her head against his chest she let her eyes fall close and felt her body starting to tremble.

Everything came back to her now and again she felt tears burning in her eyes, falling from her cheeks to his naked body.

"Shh", she heard his soothing voice and it only made her cry harder, her whole body convulsing as the first sob escaped her lips.

She didn't want to cry anymore. She hated being so weak and vulnerable.

Shaking her head she tried to get the tears to stop flowing, to reclaim control over her body but it was easier said than done. Every time she thought she could breathe normally again, she felt another surge of sobs take over until she was all cried out at last.

She was still breathing heavily but with every deliberate breath she took, she felt her heartrate return to normal and her body quietening down.

"I'm sorry", she croaked out, leaning a bit away from him to wipe her eyes with her hands.

"It's okay", he replied with an equally raspy voice and when she looked up she saw he had shed a few tears as well. Raising on tiptoes, she wiped the tears from his cheeks with her thumbs before pressing a kiss to them.

She lingered on his face for a bit until she could see his lips turn up slightly – entirely for her besoothing, she was sure.

Turning around in his embrace she leaned the back of her head against his chest and looked out of the window with a tiny sigh.

"I don't know what I expected to happen", she said finally, "I… We didn't really have a plan but I just never thought… And then… God, I don't even know where he is right now or if he has someone to take care of him."

* * *

Sitting in a coffee shop on the other side of the clock tower, they had a good view on the entrance to the parliament building. They had one bud in their ear each whose cord was connected to an audio device that received its signals from the short- distance bug they had planted on the stair-rail of said building after they had watched Roman disappear into it.

Jane's was sipping on her slushy lemonade with chopped fresh mint leaves while Kurt was enjoying a coffee and a glass of cold water. They were talking about anything and everything, their kids, their plans for a vacation, Reade's engagement… All not to attract attention but as they did that, she realized just how wonderful a life like that could actually be.

Her eyes wandered over to the building they were observing once more when she heard a faint tapping sound in her ear that sounded a lot like footsteps coming closer.

Looking up in alert, Kurt's eyes told her he was hearing it too. His gaze followed hers as she leaned into his side a little with a smile – a picture of a normal couple enjoying the warmth – and they watched Roman step out of the building, his hair tousled and his suit rumpled, his phone pressed to his ear once more.

"He's meeting us in the warehouse by the docks tonight at 7 p.m. to sign over the land. He's bringing the documents we need.", they heard him tell the person on the other end of the line.

"Do you want me to go back to the port?"

"Of course. Should I pick her up from her hotel?"

His voice grew fainter when he walked down the stairs and was finally drowned out when another vehicle came closer, stopping right in front of him.

It had a government license plate and they could only see the blonde mane of Blake Crawford before Roman joined her on the backseat and the car drove off again.

* * *

Sitting on the bed of their hotel room with her legs crossed, Jane leaned against the headboard of the bed, watching Kurt scarfing down the food he had ordered with Room Service before he had taken the shower.

She didn't feel like eating, her mind being everywhere but here, but she could feel his worried look on her whenever she let her gaze travel through the room, so she took some of the bread and dipped it into the hummus, in an attempt to appease him and her rumbling stomach.

They ate in silence for a little while after that, both hanging on to their own thoughts, until she spoke up quietly, her voice raspy from all the time spent quietly.

"Do you think I'm scary?" The words were out before she could stop them, Rich's assessment hanging over her head like a storm cloud that she couldn't push away. "I mean", she tried to clarify, her eyes dropped down to the hands resting in her lap, "Do I look too serious or… heartless? Am I heartless?"

Feeling she mattress shift under them when he sat up and put the food back on the tray to scout closer to her, she still refused to meet his eyes, scared what she would find there. His hand found its way to her chest and without conscious thought, her own hand reached out to grab his tightly, both hands now resting over her heart.

"You have the most wonderful heart", she heard him say softly and some part of her that had known he would say that, shook her head.

Kurt reached his other hand out to tip her chin up gently so she would look at him. "You're the most compassionate person I know and please", he interrupted her before she could get a word out, "Please let me finish saying this. I think when you love, you love with all your heart and you feel that makes you vulnerable. And I think that's why you try to cover it up because most of your life you weren't allowed to show any sign of weakness."

His thumb moved gently up and down her cheek and she felt herself lean into the touch more and more, needing the familiarity it provided. Her eyelids were falling close but fluttered open when he continued talking with a smile in his voice.

"You're also very serious but that doesn't make you heartless. You don't trust easily. I think I should be glad that I was basically the first person to get to know you."

"I would always trust you, no matter in what circumstances we would meet", she denied gently, reaching out to take a hold of his hand on her face and absentmindedly threaded her fingers through his.

He smiled one of his smiles that still made her knees wobbly and her hands sweaty and pressed a kiss to their intertwined hands.

"Once someone gets to know you, and once you let them in, they will realize just how much heart you have."

Again she found herself shaking her head. "But I left Roman… he was laying there… I should've helped him and instead I failed him, again. I let them take Avery. I left you…", she trailed off, barely containing the pain the memories caused her, "What loving person does that?"

"You know that it's not that simply", he objected, "You made none of these choices of your own free will. You were forced into situations that were out of your control and who knows what anyone else would've done in your shoes. My point is, you're doing the best you can. You're always trying to protect everyone but yourself."

"I try… but I always end up failing the people I love."

* * *

"Suspect entering the building."

The foreign voice of the CIA sniper sounded through the comms and Jane was so tense she almost called him out on calling her brother a suspect. Gladly her husband managed to keep a cool head and gave her a curt nod before speaking into his own radio.

"Okay, just like we discussed. Jane and I will enter from the front. Two of you will try to infiltrate the warehouse from behind but keep quiet and don't engage unless we tell you to. We know for sure that no one has entered the building for the last two hours but we don't know what or who we're going to find, so be careful. You two", he pointed to two agents behind them, "Make sure to give us notice if someone approaches. Ready?"

Seamlessly they pushed off from the container they were hiding behind and quietly slipped through the door of the hall. They stood to either side of the entrance, their eyes needing time to adjust to the darkness, before they moved forward without a sound. They came by two hallways going off through either side of the large room but both were empty so they kept going, weapons raised but lights off.

Jane was about to secure the third corridor when suddenly she heard a loud thumb behind her and Kurt cried out in pain. Her head whirled around but before she could react she felt the cold metal of a gun pressed to her neck and her brother's voice that made the hairs on the back of it stand on end.

"You're not supposed to be here", he hissed, pressing the barrel deeper into her flesh, "How did you find me?"

"We followed you from the port", she told him calmly, trying to make out Kurt's silhouette in the dark so she wouldn't accidently step on him.

"Don't worry, I tased him but I didn't turn it up too high", Roman told her, "You need to leave now."

All the anger that she had carried around for so long, wandered from her chest where it hurt, to her stomach where it made her anxious, to finally reach into her muscles, making them work.

"I don't think so", she gave back harshly, kicking out behind her body with one of her legs and whirled around to slap the gun from his hands but Roman recovered quickly and instead of stumbling backwards, he deflected her fist and pushed her against the wall behind them.

"What does Crawford want with land in Syria?", she croaked out as his hands kept strangling her and she used the tiny moment of surprise in which he loosened his grip slightly, to kick forward and push him off of her. She had anticipated his fall but once again she had thought wrong. Roman looked up and in the dim light she could see his eyes light up with pure rage as he bolted towards her.

"You're not supposed to be here", he yelled, trying to get a hit in on her as they fell into the deadly dance they had practiced all their lives once more. "You're going to ruing everything!"

"What plan, Roman?", she gave back equally furious as she managed to ram her elbow into his jaw, satisfied when he finally let off for a second. "I'm sick and tired of your fucking games", she screamed, hauling herself at him with all her might just when he was trying to get back at her.

They tumbled to the ground together. Jane had the upper hand at first but Roman's brute force quickly made him come out on top, kicking her legs from under her body as she was trying to scramble to her feet.

"Who do you think taught me?", he taunted her, grabbing the gun he had lost earlier, pointing it at her.

"I don't remember any of that", she pleaded, kneeling in front of him with her hands raised in surrender, "Roman, I didn't want any of that."

"It doesn't matter!", he gave back angrily, "Nothing you or I do can change anything anymore, don't you see that?" His whole body was shaking but he kept the gun trained on her head steadily, his knuckle going white as he put pressure on the trigger.

Roman was completely focused on his sister and didn't realize Weller had already gotten to before the FBI agent pulled the handle of his gun over his head, making him drop his own and scramble away from the impact, blood spurting from his forehead and blocking his view.

"Weller", he spat out as he ran forward once more, fighting like a frightened animal that they had backed into a corner.

"Stop it, Roman", Jane yelled as she deflected one of his blows and took two hits to her side.

Everything was moving so fast until suddenly it wasn't.

Her eyes widened as she watch her brother fall to the floor but she heard neither his cry for pain nor Kurt yelling at the shooter to stand down. All she did hear was the gun shot that rang through her ears even when she dropped down to her knees and scrambled over to her brother.

"Roman!", she cried out desperately when he wouldn't look at her.

There was so much blood. She wasn't even sure where it was coming from but it was painting his white shirt a horrible shade of red, drenching the dirty floor he was lying on. Ripping open the shirt, she found the bullet wound, straight through his side and she saw the blood spurting out of it and she felt him cramp underneath her touch.

In her peripheral view she saw Kurt waving everyone away before dropping down next to her, helping her keep Roman's clothes out of the way as she put both her hands on the wound, pressing down with everything she had.

"Roman", Kurt yelled beside her, slapping her younger brother's face twice until his eyes finally fluttered open.

Jane wanted to breathe out in relief but instead of trying to help them help him, he struggled out of both their grasps. Kicking back at them when she refused to let him go.

"Get out of here", he yelled at her, the blood from his forehead running down his face, painting his teeth red and he pulled his mouth into a gruesome grimace, "You have to leave now!"

"I'm not going to leave you, Roman. Dammit! Why won't you let me help you?", she screamed at him, crawling closer once more only to have him kick her in the side.

"He's going to be here any second", Roman hissed under his breath, his teeth clenched in pain as he pushed himself off the ground to get further away from them. "He's going to kill you!"

Jane felt Kurt trying to help her stand but she shook his hands off, following after her brother, "I'm not leaving you!"

"Yes, you will." With his last strength Roman managed to reach his gun that lay forgotten on the floor and pointed it straight at her. "Go or I will shoot you."

Shaking her head forcefully, Jane felt tears clouding her view, "No you won't", she countered, closing in on him, "Ple-"

Before she could finish her plea she felt herself been thrown backwards and the impact of the bullet being drilled into her vest took her breath away. Next to her she felt Kurt pull her to stand next to him but instead of leaning against him like she normally would, she shook off his hands with all her might and stumbled towards her brother.

He hit her vest on purpose. He wouldn't really hurt her. He was just trying to scare her. He was trying to push her away but she wouldn't let him.

She could hear shots being fired in the distance and someone was screaming something in her ear but her eyes were full of her brother bleeding out in front of her and she soldiered on.

"Leave!", Roman screamed one last time and pulled the trigger again. Once more Jane felt herself tumbling and she would've fallen if it hadn't been for Kurt catching her.

Looking down at her arm in trance she saw her burned jacket and the blood seeping out from under the dark fabric before she felt she pain shoot through her bicep.

"You…", she tried to say but it was Kurt who cut her off this time, screaming her name as she felt her mind go numb. He pulled her away and finally she could see the light flooding the dark hall and realized the doors had been opened and more people would be here soon.

She didn't want to. Everything in her screamed at her to stay with Roman but he was still pointing a gun at her, tears streaming down his face – mirroring hers like it did so often throughout the years. She couldn't hear him over all the noise but she could read the "GO" on his lips before Kurt pushed her forward, grabbing her unscathed arm and they started to run out of the warehouse.

"It's just a graze", she sobbed when they took cover behind one of the containers and Kurt was still not letting go of her arm, "He wouldn't… He wouldn't have hurt me."

* * *

"Kurt?", she whispered in the dark, her head safely tugged to his chest while his arm was holding her around her waist.

"Yeah", he responded immediately.

"I can't sleep", she told him turning her head to bury her face into his chest hair.

"Me neither." She felt him move to lay on his side, pulling her closer and nuzzling her hair before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "How's your arm?"

She shrugged, "It's okay." It was the truth, after all Roman truly hadn't wanted to hurt her and it were all the other things that were keeping her from falling asleep. "Can we go outside for a bit?", she asked him quietly, propping herself up on her elbow, one hand reaching out to caress his cheek. "I can't breathe in here."

Jane saw his nod in the dimly lit room and silently they got up. Once they were dressed she slipped her hand into his, leaning against his side.

"Where do you wanna go?", he wanted to know and she thought about that for a second. When she had proposed to go outside she hadn't had something concrete in mind. She just wanted to escape the walls that seemed to be coming closer, condemning and punishing her. But the more she thought about it, the more she knew where it was she wanted to go. A place that she had never thought she'd be able to show Kurt.

Squeezing his hand slightly, she stood upright once more and pulled him with her to the door, "I know just the place. It's about an hour's drive from here."

They spent that hour mostly quiet as Jane maneuvered the car through the empty streets out of the city, following the highway until she saw the familiar road sign. After another 10 minutes they were standing on a hill, looking down on a few boats harboring at the small pier of the sleepy city.

"On one of the K&R jobs I did", she started to explain, getting lost in the lights that reflected in the sea, "I rescued two children and brought them back to their mother. She was originally from a very distant part in Finland and had moved to Jbail when she got married. When I brought them back and she paid me, she also gave me a key to her boat and told me, whenever I needed to just get out I could come here and do that for a while. I never actually did that."

She felt his fingers curl around her elbow and she wanted to say something more but her phone chimed up, a nasty sound in the otherwise peaceful quiet.

"You don't have to look at that", Kurt told her softly, "For all they know we are asleep right now."

Shaking her head, she pulled the phone out of her pocket, "You know that's not how this works", she disagreed, bummed by the distraction until she read the message.

Her eyes widened as she unlocked her screen and stared down at it, reading it over and over again, turning the phone so that Kurt could read over her shoulder.

 _Out of the hospital now. No real damage. HC is after you. I'll be in touch._

With every time she skimmed over the text, she felt her heart go lighter in her chest until it felt as if it could grow wings and simply fly out of her ribcage, rejoicing with the higher power somewhere above them. At least that's what she would've done if she had wings.

Some of the worry and devastation fell from her shoulders as she leaned into Kurt, feeling his strong arms come around her from behind, holding her up as he knees grew weak and wobbly with relief.

"He's going to be okay", she whispered, pressing the phone to her chest and feeling Kurt's stubble scratching her cheek as he nodded, "Yes, he will be."

Suddenly she found her spirits again and with a smile directly connected to her heart's skippers, she grinned up at her husband, "Do you feel like going for a ride? I could probably arrange for a boat somewhere."

Half an hour later they were lying on board wrapped in a blanket, the boat slowly chugging through the ripples of the sea. They were far enough from the city to have the lights fading behind them, the stars and the moon their only beacon.

"The woman I told you about", Jane broke the silence after a while, feeling warm all over with her husband wrapped around her and her own arms holding on to him tightly, "She called Lebanon the Land of the Sun, a gift God gave the world that had suffered from cold and darkness for too long."

"That's beautiful", Kurt's voice tickled her ear, sending new shivers down her spin.

She chuckled, "I think she was a little melodramatic. There's simply not much sun and warmth in northern Finland."

They grew quiet again after that, watching the stars above them move with the soft wobble of their boat.

This time Kurt's voice cut through the silence. "Would you like to move here? Or anywhere else? With more sun?"

Jane bit her lip in thought, her hand finding his in the dark and bringing it to rest above her heart.

"No", she said finally. "I love the warmth of the sun but I feel more comfortable in the dark", she admitted. "It's easier to hide in the dark, it's easier to be yourself in the dark because it feels like nobody's watching. But the night is also refreshing, giving you the time to recover from a harsh day, guiding you when you are lost, without judging." She pointed up to the stars with her free hand. "We'd never see the stars without the dark of the night. I find it soothing. It's the one thing that doesn't change in a world where everything changes."

"Do you think Roman would only help us during night time?", Kurt asked, half serious half joking.

"No", Jane shook her head, "The night doesn't change how you feel… it sometimes simply gives you a new perspective without all the spotlights on you. It gives you hope."

Silence descended on them once more and Jane's eyes were already fluttering close when she heard Kurt's soft voice in her ear once more.

"When you were gone", he started to say and immediately she felt his arms hold on to her more tightly but she didn't comment on it and simply let him continue. "Whenever I could I would go somewhere to watch the sky and I would remember how you taught me to find the North Star. Every night that I found it, I just lay there, staring up at it hoping that it would somehow lead me to you. And some part of me was hoping you'd look at the same sky, thinking of me, too."

She felt his hot tears drop down on to her shoulder and turned around in his embrace, taking his face in both of her hands, pressing a kiss to his nose and forehead before lifting herself up to let him bury his face in her hair, stroking his back ever so gently.

"I was", she replied in a throaty whisper, "I was thinking of you, too."

* * *

 **A/N 2** : For some reason this was really hard for me to write (and then it kept getting longer) so constructive criticism is very much appreciated! Maybe it was me trying to write actual plot? Jeller is so much easier to write with no plot interfering.


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